Flowers In The Attic
by arendelleziegler
Summary: "I'm here because I love Anna, my little sister, the only reason that makes me want to be alive. I'm here because my dad forced me to love her when both were young. I'm here because he forced me to love him". (Modern AU, incest, rape). Proofread by Full-Effect-Ass.
1. Therapy one

**A/N:** Hey there, first of all I want to say that this story is a translation of other one that I'm currently writing and posting here. This story contains some warnings - angst, incest, rape and mention of suicide in later chapters. This story is almost already written, if you want you can read it in spanish it has the same title. I have nothing else to say, hope you like it and write a review if you want please.

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I try to calm my nerves as I sit in the little metal chair of the middle of the room, my hands sweat at the nervousness and I can only think in two or three coherent phrases, four if I can concentrate. I take a look to the wooden door in front of me, distinguishing the letters engraved in a plate of a grayish tone, "Kai Garland - psychiatrist".

Therapy.

My voice breaks the silence of the room with a coarse and indiscreet whimper; the therapy has never resulted in anything, at least not in the last four years, and frankly I doubt that it will work now. In my short 20 years of life I have already gone through every hospital, clinic and therapist of the medical directory; I have listened with no interest to their advices and I haven't worried in putting them into practice. I planned to leave even before the beginning of the first session, and while they memorized my name, age and case, I concentrated on a well-developed lie to keep back those places full of insecurities and self-esteem problems.

And it's that my whole life was based on lies. A mythomaniac with experience, according to the dictionary. Lying was the only way I could ensure that nobody could get close to me, making them spin on their heels and say the words "abnormal freak" while stepping away. I have become an expert in hiding the truth from other people, keeping my feelings and thoughts deep inside of me.

I can feel the call of my name rumble in my ears, and perhaps in others' too. Putting aside the magazine that rested on my lap, I went to the small cubicle with coffee smell and motivational posters. The game has started.

Elsa Gillespie, 20 years old, six months, eighteen days.

At first glance, Kai seems at least mildly interested in his patients, his eyes don't leave the computer and for the umpteenth time today I ask myself what I'm doing in a place like this. The answer comes to my mind even before I can finish the question, four letters and two syllables: Anna.

"Who is Anna?" His voice is rough and cold. I ignore the detail that I had whispered Anna's name.

If I had to use some adjective to describe Anna, it would be, undoubtedly, ineffable. She's something that can't be described with existing words, something so ephemeral and sublime that it can only bring you peace when you are by her side.

But of course, my answer is completely different from the original idea.

"Nobody special".

I try to force myself to believe that answer, although deep down I know it's not so, that I would never describe her like that. Kai just nods silently, the sound of his fingers on the keys are the only thing that can be heard in the room.

"Why are you here?"

Why am I here? That's a simple question, but there's not a simple answer.

I'm here because I love Anna, my little sister, the only reason that makes me want to be alive. I love her way of being. Her eyes, the way her lips curves when she laughs, her bright red hair.

I'm here because my dad forced me to love her when both were young. With kisses, with caresses, listening the silent moans that came of our lips. I'm here because in the attic of our house he forced us to love each other in ways that a child will never understand. I'm here because he forced me to love him, although he was hurting me and I was just an 8 year old girl who thought it was normal.

I didn't say anything for a while, trying to order my thoughts. I feel anxious, sad. I'm haunted by my sister's presence in our house - our house almost empty after the death of our parents. I had to cover myself in long jackets and satin gloves to stay away from everyone, thinking that any touch would be like his touch and my whole life would break again piece by piece.

Why doesn't Anna remember anything? Why are she always happy while I just sink more and more, unable to overcome it?

"I'm just tired and sad, I didn't had sleep well. Maybe I need some drugs or something". I managed to say

Kai sighs holding his watch with his fingers, he close his computer gently and approaching me. He tries to release tension telling a personal anecdote that only serves to make me grimace but that is enough for what, I deduce, he has in mind.

"Now tell me the truth". Up close he doesn't look as old as many describe him. "You're smart, Elsa. And you know well that I didn't believe a single word".

I gulp, trying to hide my considerable discomfort. My eyes now look at a random spot above his head trying not to stare at him.

"I don't want to force you to anything, but let me help you".

I don't want to force you to anything, those words strongly hit my chest. For a long time I let everyone in my environment govern me, treating me as if I were a puppet. Forcing me to do things I never wanted to do, that I never wanted to carry as a burden.

"Let me help you". He said again, taking my hand and stroking the bright blue fabric.

The main dilemma is that I don't know for sure if I want to let him do it. His voice pronounced again the question with which he started the session, letting me see that he really wants to help me with this.

"Who is Anna?" Less rigid and firm than the first time, his voice tone is now a little gentler.

Defeated, I chose the only option that seemed to be coherent, telling every detail that had made me go to therapy that day. I end my story with two simple words that summarize the synthesis of everything: a game.

It had all started as a game.


	2. Sunset

I return home only to find Anna lying on the couch, an arm resting under her body and the other swaying subtly in the air. A small line of saliva adorns her cheek and her snores are a sign that her nap was going to take longer than planned. I smiled when I saw her, in three days it would be her 18th birthday but I felt she was still a little girl in the others' eyes.

I remember the first time my parents told me that I was going to have a little sister; at such a young age I couldn't understand that concept but I feared that she would take away my place in the family. She would get all the gifts and the attention. The definition of jealousy fit me perfectly, and I had promised to hate her until the end of the time.

Of course, my whole opinion changed when I finally saw her with my own eyes.

Covered only with a green blanket and lying on her small bed, Anna was completely different from me. Her hair was a shining strawberry tone, her eyes were small gray diamonds and her skin was covered with small brown dots. Anna yawned several times and cried all night long, how could she be so delicate yet so noisy at the same time?

Dad explained me that she was too young for us to play together, or for me to carry her in my arms, but then all that would change and I could be by her side every night, hugging her, playing with her and counting each of the small freckles on her skin.

Over time her eyes changed into a turquoise blue color, her hair became even brighter and her voice began to resonate in every corner of the house. Everyone said that she was the most beautiful girl they had ever seen, especially dad, and I couldn't be more proud of Anna, because she was pretty, because day after day I could hear compliments to her person while she made a small gesture in the form of gratitude.

Every year for her birthday we used to take a long walk on the beach, admiring how the waves crashed against the sand and the sun shone more than any other day. Anna ran close to the shore, fleeing from the water that came to meet her and smiling at such an action.

It was her fifth birthday.

Her eyes seemed to camouflage themselves with the algae, sometimes green, sometimes with a bluish tone similar to mine. I take her hand in mine and soon we run together on the orange canvas the sand used to represent.

Dad records us with the old video camera while mom forces us to pose in front of the lens; my arms are around Anna's waist, getting her closer to me and placing her head upon my chest. We both smiled, innocent of what was to happen later.

Slowly, the sun begins to set behind the horizon, lighting for last time in the day the sea in front of us. I observe the day turning into night, the stars in the sky and how the sun was as if hiding with fear.

Perhaps the sunset was warning us about the sudden darkness that was going to affect our lives.

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 **A/N: Ok, so sorry for the delay, the thing is that I need the chapter to be proofread before posting it, and sometimes it takes time. I want to thank Baku-Babe who helped me proofreading this chapter. And, I promise, the next chapter will be longer. Finally, thanks for your reviews! I will answer the guest's questions at the end of every chapter.**

 **Reviews:**

 **Guest:** **Anna doesn't remember anything, for some reason, and Elsa don't want to ruin her life telling the truth. Of course, that would change later.**


	3. The attic

**Warning: rape scenes (nothing too graphic)**

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The rest of Anna's birthday was a normal day, like every year. The blueberry cake had not caught my attention and the gifts, though few, drew a smile on her face. Her eyes sparkled like the decorations and her dress made her look like a princess in front of the guests.

Late at night our parents decided it was time to sleep, Anna refused, shouting in protest, and I only had the option of taking her hand and leading her directly to the bed. My grip, though firm, gave her the option of leaving with any small movement, but Anna understood my gesture and letting her choose her pajamas, she clung to her plush bears as she placed a small kiss on my cheek.

I turned to say goodnight and tried to sleep even though the lights were still on and we could hear the guests' voices through the door. Soon everything was in darkness and I could fall asleep, listening to Anna's snoring on the other side of the room.

My eyes opened with surprise after several minutes, maybe hours, as the door opened slowly and I could see dad's silhouette in the frame. He said my name in an almost inaudible whisper and urged me to wake Anna in the same way. Her hands pushed me sharply, although maybe that was not her original purpose, and I had to touch her body several times to wake her up from her dream.

We left the room confused, trying to find the walls and avoiding any object on the way. Anna clutched my hand tightly as her breathing grew increasingly irregular and nervous, she didn't want to let me go and be without me in all this confusion. I tried to calm her while our feet were leading us to the attic, to that unexplored room to which we never had access.

Anna squeezes my hand, sinking her face into my chest and exhaling warm air over my nightgown.

The attic was dark, huge and dusty. The smell of humidity intensified the further we walked and the ground, though made of fine wood, was in a deplorable condition. Boxes and unused objects were scattered everywhere, covered with a fine, faded, cream-colored cloth that served as a refuge for small insects inside; the place lacked windows and the only light came from a small skylight well camouflaged on the roof. My eyes tried to adjust to the immense darkness as I felt Anna clutching her fingernails tightly against my wrist. She was scared and I was too.

Dad says it's a game, a birthday present that he and mom had forgotten to give. But she's not here, and while several questions begin to formulate in my mind I'm forced to divest myself of the only armor that so far managed to protect me. The nightgown slides easily over my head while Anna looks at me confused, covering her eyes when she saw me so vulnerable in front of her, in front of him and in front of the small camera that this afternoon recorded our adventures on the beach.

"Don't be afraid, it's just a game that the three of us are going to enjoy". His voice echoes in my chest, making me feel dizzy.

After a few seconds Anna's clothes also start to bother him, so with agility he unbuttons the small row of yellow buttons of her pajamas. My fingers touch her naked shoulders, sliding down to grab her wrists and place her hands on my stomach, paying attention to what dad had asked me.

I realized that he was smiling, behind the camera, and touching his crotch without taking his eyes off us. There were no shouts, no threats or violence on his part. We knew well that he was our father, the one who always sought to watch over us and express his love each day of our lives. Then why should we doubt his word? Why should we deny what he asks of us?

I can visualize in greater detail the differences between Anna's body and mine. Several freckles are drawn all over her chest, covering her whole body. She looks my breasts and, with curiosity, dares to surround them with her fingers, bringing forth a small groan. They were starting to grow, so any touch make me feel pain.

She hugs me apologetically and whispers "I love you" on my skin, her lips innocently kiss my stomach and, rubbing her eyes tightly, says she's too tired to continue playing with me. We start our journey back down the corridor. Her hand returns to take mine and her enthusiastic voice says some phrases that dissipate in my ears, I nod in response, just so she does not discover my lack of attention.

For some reason our room looks darker before my eyes, making me feel anxious and uncomfortable. I cover my body with the sheets, convincing myself that big girls don't have to be afraid and that it was all part of my imagination.

I try to pronounce an " _I love you too, Anna_ " but my voice can't find way out of my throat and my lips curl in a forced smile. My eyes close slowly, succumbing to the tiredness of the hours of the night but, for the first time in my life I can't sleep peacefully and my night is summed up in hugging my knees, trying to make myself believe that everything was fine.

It wasn't.

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 **Sorry for the delay, I am entirely dependent on a person who proofread this and sometimes it takes time. Thank you for read :)**

 **Reviews:**

 **THB4:** **Yes, sadly was at this birthday when their dad changed.**


	4. Panic

Kai looked at me, unable to utter a word, his trembling hands tried to touch mine's in an attempt to comfort me, knowing that there was nothing he could do. I had spent the previous two hours telling in detail everything that my father had forced me to do, explaining every thought and feeling I had had in doing so. At this point I was not sure if he felt compassion or repulsion for me, and I swore that the word "sick" was on his mind. Kai tried to explain to me that nothing had been my fault, that I was simply a pawn for my father.

I tried not to look at him in what lasted all his talk; he had made me feel vulnerable, exposing me to a world which I had avoided for years.

His hands swayed back and forth in the air and the sound of the graphite breaking against the paper stunned my ears. I could feel the sweat begin to accumulate between my fingers, moistening the interior of the characteristic gloves that I used to wear. The air seemed to be heavier as I breathed and the sounds distant, and the only thing I could hear clearly was my father's laughter echoing in the room and his rough voice saying my name.

I wanted to close my eyes tightly, trying to escape of the world around me, concentrating solely on not letting myself be dominated by everything that happened. Kai try to make me react while his hands squeeze gently my wrists, I couldn't control myself and my irregular movements managed to hit his face.

I don't usually have panic attacks in public, the last happened the day of our parents' funeral and Anna had to apologize to everyone as she slowly pulled me out of the place. The guests murmured harsh words, criticizing my meager volunteer force to deal with that situation, but the only thing I could concentrate on was Anna holding my chin gently and approaching to my face to dry my tears without bothering to ask what was happening to me, knowing that if I explained the reason for my state it would make the whole situation worse.

But this time is different.

I try to evoke Anna's calm voice, her warm hands on my shoulders, her aquamarine eyes, the tears streaming down her cheeks, her naked body next to mine, the expression on her face as she know what I've done.

What I've done to her.

I wanted to end this, I wanted to lock myself in my room and not be aware of the reality; I needed to get back everything that had been broken and to forget what happened. I distinguish the taste of bile in my throat, threatening to cover the man in front of me of a yellowish tone; my body was starting to get colder, the walls seemed to crack and the lights blinded my sight.

Kai holds my hands again, forcing me to look into his eyes; a small stain of blood had formed on his brow and his face paled like mine. I tilted my head trying to hide my tears, the tension regained its normality, just like my pulse, so I decide to lower my guard and drop abruptly on the back of the chair.

"Elsa, are you…" I deny slowly before I even let him finish his question.

I hold my head while I'm silent for several seconds, Kai had left the room a while ago leaving me alone while trying to improve my composure. My eyes burned due to tears and a sharp pain formed in my chest; the clock in front of me indicates just over 4 in the afternoon, reminding me that it's Anna's birthday.

I scream, letting out all the rage I felt inside me and picking up my things without much care I'm finally getting out of that small, suffocating place.

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 **A/N: Ok, as you may see this chapter is not proofread. I really need someone to help me with that, so if you want to help me you can send me a message on my tumblr (** **kristofbjorgmans** **) I would be very grateful.**

 **And for those who have asked me: No, Elsa didn't killed her father (but she was happy when he died).**

 **Thanks for reading :) and write a review if you want.**


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